Openness- The Key to Constructive Feedback

How to Learn from Your Own Experience

What is it to be an open person?  The Johari Window provides a graphic way of looking at interpersonal openness.

The window represents the whole person.

The Open area represents that part of you – your behavior, feelings and thoughts – which you share freely with others.  When you form a new relationship this area tends to be small.  What you share with the new acquaintance is governed largely by social convention and limited to things that are public knowledge anyway.  As you get to know and trust another, you are both willing to share more of yourselves and the open areas grow in size.

The Blind area represents behavior you are not aware of, although another may be.  “Would the gift that God would give us, to see ourselves as others see us.”  You find out about your blind spot through feedback from others.

The Hidden area includes thoughts and feelings that you have not yet revealed to others through your behavior.  You share your hidden by self-disclosure.

The Unknown area is that part of you which you once knew but have forgotten, or which you have not yet discovered.  What helps you to probe into your unknown is to experiment and play.  Small children are experts at self-discovery, simply because they are experts at play.  As people grow older, they often tend to use their capacity to play, to test, to experiment, to fool around as children do.

Enlarging your area of openness by reducing the hidden and the unknown is always a little risky.  There is perceived risk to you and risk to others.  Will you hurt them?  Will you make them angry?  Will they reject you?  What will they think of you?  What will you find out about yourself?  The risk, the pain and the fear of being open can be strong deterrents.  When is openness worth it?  When is it possible?  When is it constructive?

Questioning Formats

When selecting questions to ask, there is a broad range of questions from which to choose. Each of these question formats achieves a slightly different outcome.

Fact-finding questions are targeted at verifiable data such as who, what, when, where and how much. Use them to gather information about the current situation.

e.g. "What kind of computer equipment are you now using?"
"How much training did staff receive at the start?"


Feeling-finding questions ask for subjective information that gets at the participants’ opinions, feelings, values and beliefs. They help you understand views, and they contain words like think or feel.

e.g. "How do you feel about the effectiveness of the new equipment?"
"Do you think the staff felt they received enough training?" 


Tell-me-more questions can help you find out more about what the participants are saying. They encourage the speaker to provide more details.

e.g. "Tell me more." "Can you elaborate on that?"
"Can you be more specific?"


Best/least questions help you understand potential opportunities in the present situation. They let you test for the outer limits of participants’ wants and needs.
 
e.g. "What’s the best thing about receiving a new computer?"
"What’s the worst thing about the new equipment?"

Do More with Less Stress

1. Sculpt out time to do the things that you love.
Make sure that you regularly find time to do the things you really love. If it’s reading, going to the movies, playing with your kids, or traveling, you need to make it a priority in your life. It allows you time to relax, reflect, and re-energize for the challenges ahead in the coming days.

2. Address issues early and immediately. 
One of the main challenges that I hear from leaders is the stress levels they face knowing that the weight of the organization rests on their shoulders. Thus, one of the best ways to minimize stress is to address issues early on. In many cases a small issue, when addressed early, will not become a bigger problem down the road. Also, this will eliminate the anxiety of knowing it needs to be addressed but hasn’t yet. When you face problems head on, you can move on to the more positive aspects of your organization.

3. Hire good people and empower them. 
The best organizations have a leader that hires smart people and allows them to do their jobs. It is fine to be a part of the process, but you are not helping yourself or the organization when you are micro managing the work. The stress of trying to do everyone’s job, plus your own, is not only challenging but frankly dumb. Employees want responsibility and autonomy, and you as a leader should allow some latitude in both. This will ensure loyalty and longevity, which will eliminate the stress of having to replace them.

Best and Worst Facilitation Practices

Some of the best things that facilitators can do include:

- carefully assess the needs of the members
- probe sensitively into people's feelings
- create an open and trusting atmosphere
- help people understand why they are there
- view yourself as servant of the group's needs
- make participants the center of attention
- speak in simple and direct language
- work hard to stay neutral
- display energy and  appropriate levels of assertiveness
- champion ideas not personally favored
- treat all participants as equals
- stay flexible and ready to change direction if necessary
- make notes that reflect what participants mean
- listen intently to understand totally what’s being said
- periodically summarize related ideas into a coherent summary
- know how to use a wide range of discussion tools
- make sure every gathering ends with clear next steps
- insure that members feel ownership for agreed-to actions
- end on a positive and optimistic note.

Some of the worst things that a facilitator can do include:

- remain oblivious to what the group thinks or needs
- never check group concerns
- fail to listen carefully to what’s being said
- lose track of key ideas
- take notes or change the meaning of what is said
- try to be the center of attention
- get defensive
- get into personality battles
- put people down
- ignore or avoid conflict
- let a few people or the leader dominate
- never check how it’s going
- be overly passive on process
- push ahead on an irrelevant agenda
- have no alternative approaches
- let discussions get badly sidetracked
- let discussions ramble without proper closure
- be oblivious about when to stop
- be insensitive to cultural diversity issues
- use inappropriate humor

Facilitator Core Practices

Stay neutral on content—your job is to focus on the process elements and avoid the temptation of exerting control of the content of the discussion. While you may use questions and even make suggestions to help the group, facilitators never impose their opinions or take over decision-making power.

Listen actively—this is listening to understand more than judge. It also means using attentive body language and looking participants in the eye while they’re speaking. Eye contact can also be used to acknowledge points and prompt quiet people to take part.

Ask questions—this is the most important tool facilitators possess. Questions can be used to test assumptions, invite participation, and gather information and probe for hidden points. Effective questioning encourages people to delve past symptoms in order to uncover root causes.

Paraphrase—facilitators paraphrase continuously during discussions. Paraphrasing involves repeating what people say to make sure they know they’re being heard, to let others hear their points a second time and to clarify key ideas.

Synthesize ideas—ping-pong ideas around the group during any discussion that requires the collective opinion of the members. When people comment and build on each other’s ideas, it builds consensus and commitment.

Things Exceptional People Say Every Day

Want to make a huge difference in someone's life? Here are things you should say every day to your employees, colleagues, family members, friends, and everyone you care about:

"Here's what I'm thinking."
You're in charge, but that doesn't mean you're smarter, savvier, or more insightful than everyone else.  Back up your statements and decisions. Give reasons. Justify with logic, not with position or authority.

Though taking the time to explain your decisions opens those decisions up to discussion or criticism, it also opens up your decisions to improvement.

Authority can make you "right," but collaboration makes everyone right--and makes everyone pull together.

"I was wrong."
I once came up with what I thought was an awesome plan to improve overall productivity by moving a crew to a different shift on an open production line. The inconvenience to the crew was considerable, but the payoff seemed worth it. On paper, it was perfect.

In practice, it wasn't.

So, a few weeks later, I met with the crew and said, "I know you didn't think this would work, and you were right. I was wrong. Let's move you back to your original shift."

I felt terrible. I felt stupid. I was sure I'd lost any respect they had for me.

It turns out I was wrong about that, too. Later one employee said, "I didn't really know you, but the fact you were willing to admit you were wrong told me everything I needed to know."

When you're wrong, say you're wrong. You won't lose respect--you'll gain it.

"That was awesome."
No one gets enough praise. No one. Pick someone--pick anyone--who does or did something well and say, "Wow that was great how you..."

Time and Life Management

Have you noticed that some people just seem to accomplish tons and still appear happy and relaxed? We all have the same 24 hours in a day, but some have made specific choices that allow them to make the most of every day, and still feel happy and relaxed. Perhaps the following tips will help you make the most of your time as well.

• Select Priorities That Support Your Lifestyle
Make choices about the activities in your life. With most endeavors, you can either go deep or go wide. Focus on spending time that for you is fun and productive. If you like horses, buy some, but recognize up front that horses require time and you'll have to choose a lifestyle that supports daily time working with them, for you to feel satisfied.  I chose the life of a consultant because I like to work with organizations, but don't want the life of a big company leader. My choices are based on the lifestyle I want.

• Do More with Less Stress
You don't do everything well. The things you do well usually give you greater joy and require less time. Don't take on something with a steep learning curve if you don't have the available bandwidth. Design your life to meet your wants, and recognize when to say no to opportunities that are outside the scope of your desires. Live your life by design, not default.

• Merger and Balance Your Activities and Life
Many people go crazy trying to figure out how to spend time with friends, family, work, play, etc. Stop trying to balance time between them all. Find ways to enjoy them in a combined manner. Build your social life around people in your work environment. Find people in your organization who share common interests and develop your career around the people and activities you love. If everything is out of synch to the point where you feel pulled and stressed, a change is likely imminent one way or another.

Winning Ways of Likeable People

When you meet someone, after, "What do you do?" you're out of things to say. You suck at small talk, and those first five minutes are tough because you may be a little shy and a little insecure.

But you want to make a good impression. You want people to genuinely like you.

Here's how remarkably likeable people do it:

They lose the power pose.

I know: Your parents taught you to stand tall, square your shoulders, stride purposefully forward, drop your voice a couple of registers, and shake hands with a firm grip.

It's great to display nonverbal self-confidence, but go too far and it seems like you're trying to establish your importance. That makes the "meeting" seem like it's more about you than it is the other person--and no one likes that.

Next time you meet someone, relax, step forward, tilt your head towards them slightly, smile, and show that you're the one who is honored by the introduction--not them.

We all like people who like us. If I show you I'm genuinely happy to meet you, you'll instantly start to like me. (And you'll show that you do, which will help calm my nerves and let me be myself.)

They embrace the power of touch.

Touch is powerful.  Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly.

Go easy, of course: Pat the other person lightly on the upper arm or shoulder. Make it casual and nonthreatening. 

Project Confidence

1. Watch yourself rehearse on video.  Watching your performance is the easiest way to recognize room for improvement.  As you watch, look for moments that seem awkward or unconvincing. Notice if you break eye contact, and monitor the enthusiasm in your voice and body.  Try to remember what you were thinking or feeling during the weaker moments -- addressing any doubts or anxieties will help you move past them.

2. Speak from memory.  When you're presenting an idea, it's easy to lose your passion as you're plodding through the details.  To appear confident, pull yourself away from power point slides or notes.  The pitch needs to come from emotion.  That's what's most effective -- when people just speak from the heart.  Imagine you're at a party telling a friend what your company does and why it matters.  Show your conviction and belief in the product.  That emotional energy appears more confident and inspires others to believe in what you're doing.

Keeping The Main Thing

The main thing 

is to keep

the main thing,

the main thing.

-Stephen R. Covey

The 5 Key Missions of an Outstanding Leader

Great leaders are great because of their actions. Intentions are important. Words are important. But results are everything.  But maybe not the types of results you might have in mind.

Consistently accomplish these five missions and your company — and most importantly your employees — will reap the benefits. Fail at these five missions and no matter how hard you work, you and your company will eventually fall short.

Leadership, Influence and Power

It has been said that "the measure of a man is what he does with power."  Power is our ability to influence one another.  

Power is really not good or bad; it is neutral.  Power is really not a new phenomenon.  It forms the foundations of government, sociology, psychology, history, religion and many disciplines that study how people live and work together, influencing each other.  

It can be intriguing, because power can be surprisingly complex.  It can be enticing, because power can be seductive.  But it can also inspire, and uplift and exalt, because power can be used to help people accomplish marvelously things.  Power can be used to make a difference in the lives of others.

Below is a store entitled the Power of Powerlessness - Oliver's Story.  Oliver teaches us that we can all make a difference.  Our capacity to move from a position of powerlessness comes as we realize that we always have a choice.  Though we may feel trapped or helpless, we can choose the attitude with which we face our challenges.